If the title piqued your interest, you are probably already familiar with what ABDL is—but in the case that you aren’t: ABDL is a fetish term that stands for Adult Baby Diaper Lover and falls under the umbrella of age play. Age play is any type of roleplay between consenting adults that involves portraying an age other than their own. More often than not it involves acting younger than one’s own age and is associated with ABDL. Other examples could include a MILF seducing the young pool boy, or a college student convincing the professor to give a better grade in exchange for sex. Usually age play is used to describe fetishes like ABDL or kink relationship dynamics such as DDlg and MDlb (Daddy Dom/little girl and Mommy Domme/little boy). These kinks and fetishes are not as uncommon as one may think.
Some realize well into their adult lives that they have an underlying interest in age play while for others, like me, it’s something they have always desired. Everyone has a unique journey with kink. It felt innate to me, a desire within myself that I felt was always there. As my sexuality blossomed so did my interest in kink and more specifically, ABDL.
First Inklings
Long before I heard the term ABDL, or even knew what age play was for that matter, I found myself drawn to many of the things this fetish is centered around. For as long as I can remember I’ve found myself enamored with things that were supposed to be passed my age—plush toys, playgrounds, Disney movies. Anything cutesy or bright and fun. It went even deeper than that, though. I even believed in Santa Claus for much longer than most of my classmates in school. I had a seemingly instinctive enthusiasm for anything that invoked feelings of innocence.
At the time I first made note of these patterns in myself, I was blissfully unaware of their roots. I chalked it up to simply being in touch with my inner child and a love for having fun. Now I realize it undoubtedly stems from my internal struggle with becoming the oldest sibling in my family. Any oldest child can probably tell you about the immense pressure we feel from parents to constantly achieve excellence and be the perfect example. Being expected to grow up quickly diminished my experience of childhood and undeniably caused me to cling to whatever would recreate those carefree feelings from before I had to be the Big Girl.
Kink Progression
Despite possessing the frameworks for an ABDL fetish I had no idea what it was. It was only after reading online erotica that I became more familiar with the terms which described my desires. Discovering erotica was like gas to a flame for my journey with kink and BDSM. Reading stories online that literally described my fantasies gave me the words I needed to articulate my inclinations fully. DDlg. ABDL. Taboo. As soon as I learned about these things I knew they were what I had been imagining. Everything I fantasized about, all of my desires wrapped up into neat little phrases and acronyms. Knowing that the words to describe what I liked already existed, that I wasn’t some weird pervert all alone in my desires, sparked an insatiable interest with the ABDL lifestyle.
Hungry for more knowledge, I sought these things through other avenues and in different corners of the internet. Quickly I learned that my penchants weren’t anything new and I was far from the only person with these inclinations. I found others who expressed the same desires I had felt for so long. I saw couples doing things I thought only existed in my dreams. Gaining this insight played a big role in my self acceptance. Knowing that I wasn’t the only one made me feel less alone, less alien. I realized it was possible to connect with other people who enjoyed this too and would accept this part of me. A relationship that incorporated age play was attainable. Recognizing these things allowed me fully embrace my kinks.
In the beginning of my kink self discovery age play was something I would only engage with on occasion. Taboo themes in my videos was a rarity. I felt shy and embarrassed about it. I was scared of judgement and ridicule from people who don’t understand, who refuse to understand. Fear of these critics weighed on me heavily. To this day I sometimes struggle with anxiety when it comes to sharing my ABDL content with the world. Will today be the day someone outside of the niche online community I’m involved in sees my photos and decides to say something? Will this post be the catalyst for a barrage of insulting comments from outsiders who don’t get it? These are valid concerns which likely run through the mind of any ABDL choosing to share themselves online.
Creating a positive environment that fosters acceptance has allowed me to fully embrace myself. Now age play is something that is a part of my everyday life rather than a dirty secret I only allow myself to enjoy in private. Being involved in a community that shares similar interests has resulted in connections with people who understand me and has allowed me to develop deep and meaningful friendships with likeminded individuals. These experiences have been paramount in facilitating the level of self acceptance I possess today.
Psychological & Physiological
During the development of my kinks and fetishes I was unware of their origins, as I mentioned, and took them at face value. I thought, it makes sense that I’m into this—I love cute things and soft toys and I’m fascinated by the forbidden, without looking passed these superficial revelations. Assessing things now it’s obvious that my interest in age play and ABDL is the culmination of many mental and physical factors.
Age play undeniably appeals to me because of the excitement I experience due to the emphasis on taboo or prohibited behaviors coupled with the element of juvenile things. There is no denying that my interest in the kink first sprouted because of the sheer arousal I felt reading about all of these off-limits and downright dirty things. It hit all of the right buttons according to my thalamus.
Similar to the human brain with its many parts working together, there are several elements which converge to present as my ABDL side. Not only does it stem from my deviant sexual desires and shallow interests but something deep within that seeks to be nurtured and heal parts of me that were squandered. Being an ABDL allows me to reclaim that which was taken away from me in my formative years. Not only that, age play serves as an escape from day to day stressors and acts as a disconnect from daily life that allows for a more relaxed and peaceful headspace. ABDL is a guilt free zone to enjoy babyish things like dinosaur chicken nuggets and Sanrio printed backpacks.
Not just one but countless factors serve as the sources for which my ABDL side is founded on. In the beginning it was purely carnal, igniting something within my sexuality. Causing it to burn hot and bright, making me crave more and unlocking hidden desires. As I grew and so did my kink I realized there was much more to it. ABDL is the culmination of my innermost sensual desires in tandem with my deepest internal struggles.
Presence in My Life
ABDL finds its way into my daily activities in big and little (ha!) ways. Small things like bubble gum flavored mouthwash and sleeping with my favorite stuffed animals help me incorporate ABDL into my everyday routines. More significant instances like wearing diapers or drinking from a baby bottle are also part of regular life for me. Engaging in activities that help me feel in touch with my ABDL side is important to me. I look forward to taking time to color, watch a favorite cartoon, or play with toys everyday.
The life I have built is congruent with my desires and I have forged relationships that encourage these parts of me. Many of my relationships have been based around a DDlg dynamic. I have been able to experience bedtime stories, bath time, and more. Living an ABDL lifestyle is something my eighteen-year-old self thought would only ever be a fantasy but I’m enthralled to say that it is my reality today.
Closing
Coming to terms with desires for ABDL can be difficult because of internal shame and societal stigma. It was something I struggled to accept within myself for a long time. Even once I felt comfortable embracing that part of me I was still afraid to share it with anyone. I had seen the way people talk about age play and ABDL. I felt embarrassed and scared of being ridiculed. Despite wanting so badly to show that side of me in my content and find someone to explore age play with I was worried. Worried that I wouldn’t find anyone who accepts me, worried that my fans would leave if they knew what I really liked, worried that I would receive backlash from complete strangers for choosing to be vulnerable and express myself authentically. In all honesty, some people have expressed distaste for my interest in age play. I have experienced disdain and unkind words. But I have fostered an environment that encourages these parts of me and surrounded myself with accepting individuals.
Now I am unapologetic in who I am. Staying true to myself in a world that wants you to be nothing more than agreeable isn’t always easy but life is too short to suppress the things that bring me happiness. Being genuine without fear of who it deters has been a freeing feeling. I am lucky to have discovered and accepted these parts of me early in life and I am grateful that I have forged relationships that nurture my ABDL side.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart if you have taken the time to read this entire piece. Publishing this feels vulnerable and I have poured my heart and soul into it.
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