Exploration in kink and BDSM starts for many people as a way to spice things up in the bedroom. Often times interest in this alternative form of sexual expression is not desired until later in life, after years of vanilla sex. For others kink feels innate, something they are drawn to and cannot feel fully satisfied without. Little is known about the origins and psychology of kink due to a lack of academic research. Very few reputable studies can be found on the topic.
My personal experience with kink is that of someone who felt drawn to it from the beginning of my sexual exploration. Written erotica was my preferred medium for consuming smut and it was the first place I encountered anything related to BDSM. Taboo stories were often trending on the websites I frequented. This lead to my discovery of Daddy Doms, power dynamics and age play. I was immediately interested—stories about sex were hot but stories about kinky fetish sex were on fire! This led to my affinity for all things taboo, which I’ve written a post about in the past.
Enthralled by my new kink, I read countless erotica stories and eventually began searching for porn that satisfied my interests. Watching people perform my fantasies on video further solidified my kinky desires. Amateur kink content allowed me to see that plenty of other individuals take part in and enjoy the same things I do. Having unconventional sexual interests can sometimes feel isolating and come with shame or embarrassment. Porn helped me overcome the insecurities I had about my kinks. Producing and performing in my own adult content has helped me to further embrace my interests and unapologetically express myself.
Almost every kink I have seems to stem from my interest in taboo, age play and CGl (Caregiver/little). One of my biggest kinks outside of age play, which inevitably ties into it, is impact play. As a self proclaimed pain slut, I enjoy hard bare bottom spanking, paddling, and caning. The first time I got to experience this I was lucky enough to receive the blows from a professional Dominatrix, Miss Lydia, at Exxxotica New Jersey in 2019. Being spanked and paddled in public was an exhilarating experience. It sparked my desire to incorporate more intense impact play into my personal encounters.
The more I explored my kinks in my personal life, the more open I became to developing new kinks and fetishes. Experimenting with sexual experiences is exciting to me. Being drawn to unconventional fetishes made me apt to try new things just for the fun of it. This is how I ended up with a breath play fetish and a piss kink. Each of my kinks is multifaceted, probably deserving of its own entry.
Ultimately, the path to discovering and exploring my kinks became easy once I accepted myself and my interests. Seeing kink, fetish and BDSM represented in mainstream media more often gives me hope for more widespread acceptance of these alternative interests and lifestyles. I believe that despite not all depictions being accurate, some representation is better than none. Increased awareness of the presence of BDSM and kink in adults’ everyday lives will help to reduce stigma surrounding these consensual adult activities.
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